The Bridge

i stand here broken
my branches fallen at my feet
no more leaves for breathing
life swirls around me
wrapped in the dapple linen of the forest floor
my time is past
in the distance
a structure of connecting
the veins of man
stretching from unseen place
to distant shores
i am rooted
yearning
if only my roots would rip themselves
from their silt-lined graves
let me wander
free and listless
on the cobbled paths
that taunt me
but alas my fate
to stand in the deep
to echo, riddle, and snap
years of torment as i fade
forever wondering where it leads
my sylvan fingers once made such paths
across the sky reaching out to brothers
swaying in joy from new born to russet
i was once a part of the great mother's dance
the world has taken heartily its toll
i have paid the price of living
with my arms, my buds, my breathing
and there she stands
the mocking passage
from one fair space to another
tempting me
forever out of reach
reclaim me, o great Gaia!
end this bask in what can't be
and let me sleep unknowing
of the bridge not meant for me

Beauty Aside

sometimes
when i'm looking in the mirror
i see what i want to see
sometimes
when i'm studying the paunch
or clip unwanted hair
i see what they tell me to see
yet here
if only for an hour
i breathe no air
i taste no sweet or sour
i feel no warmth of touch
but for those precious moments
i look not in at a reflection
but out onto a masqueraded landscape
and more than see what i want to see
or see what i am told
i become what i most truly am
the me inside my skin
beautiful
and free

Frigid

I thought I'd melt his heart
that one day he'd succumb
I plied with treats of every measure
Dreams to be undone
A glance of need,
a yearning sigh,
but nothing would unfurl
the Beauty's wintry, frozen smile
or crack this hardened pearl
And then, one day
as fate decreed
his heart began to light
Alas for me the Winter's cold
had dimmed my love from sight
He pleaded, begged, and simpered
his ice all dripped away
but I was now unbending
my sails refused to sway
And so he sits in summer's sun
weeping liquid tears
and I am frigid as the wind
that blusters through the years

For Him

one life is not enough
one moment to breathe his air
to cherish and to hold him
i do not have sufficient flesh
there is no space or time
that could hold these hearts completely
there is no wish or dream
that would echo more purely
no touch, no sensation
no flavor or sigh
could compare to this moment
beside my love
together we wander
a landscape of dreams
and hold on with the passion
and memory of many lives before
and many more to come
no
one life is not enough
so as my sun and moon set and rise in his eyes
not a thousand such visions will ever suffice
nothing will hold me as tenderly
nothing will fill me so completely
let the days fly by
let the moments bleed out
there is never enough

PITY

does it make you nervous?
are you bothered by what you hear?
do you feel the need to shift
and clear your scratching throat?
it is my body that was stained
my spirit that was used
my innocence that ran in liquid
down my thigh
and yet as i explain
the pain
the sting
the shame
it is you who sit
uncomfortable
your face engraved
disdain
and i
the victim
once again

BRINK, a poem for my father

pages slip like feathers
from the broken binding
of my little picture book
that drift and sift
on angel backs
softly toward the brink
singed and stained
the cracked and lifeless
blossoms shed their petals
toward the sea
remember
no more
stinging licks of moonlight
flicker in my eyes
i lose the sense of footing
floating, drifting to and fro
majesty
freedom
release
i ache no more for simple joy
no earthly pleasures hold me
agony is a demon
who's power now is lost
i flutter and float
swing and sway
back to the ocean's womb
reclaim me
let me leave that word behind
scattered from medicinal tongues
fickle, heartless flames
let it have no more meaning
goodbye cancer
goodbye dad

A Rabbit's Day (a tonal abstract poem)

Thump varoom snap zing
Glisten crackle  shudder
Rustle bustle fling
Yipping snarl kerfuffle
Tumble blinking spring
Simper twitching bristle
Faded yelping ring
Nestle sighing snuggle
Cradle muffle sing

LAPSE

she used to love violets
a scent so gentle it bitters
with the passing time
amber sparkle on her throat
a token from a lost lover
turned to foolish gold
prone to sherry in her glass
a lazy afternoon
that blurred her vision
made pain and memory
bleed away
slowly
pieces falling off her past
a bauble here
a token there
like her beloved flower
memories turning acid and sour
her moments dimmed
lovers peeled like clothing
to the floor
forgotten
children
left to wonder
why they met a stranger's gaze
a sign of aging
a sentence of loss
no cure
no hope
just the darkening shore
washing everything and everyone
she ever loved away
perhaps it's just what happens
perhaps it's just a lapse

INUNDATION

sinking into ache
limbs tingle
heart races
stomach sours
saliva catching in the throat
flooding through to panic
acid, bile, choke and sputter
curtains closing over eyes
the noises fade to whisper
blissful silence
the splendor of nothing
razor light stabs back to waking
fingers come to view
patterns on the floor
shadows move and turn to shapes
fear reclaims it's prey
the mountain of angst piled high
the clock strikes an angry chord
a fruitless end is near
i punch the clock
the tan box waves goodbye
the stack of duties looms and taunts
waiting for tomorrow
when the unassuaged resume

Oppidan's Fate

the city smelled like anger
pavement sighed Hell's breath
naked trees of steel and stone
needles dripping meth
like water flowing to a shore
the sullen people flow
their damaged aching spirits ride
through rain and winter's snow
i join the throng of passers-by
inhale the fumes once more
and make my way toward the dank
and crevassed city's floor
if waiting for me were a joy
to make this trip worthwhile
i'd do it every day again
and wear that secret smile
alas for me no arms await
no children at the gate
i enter silent and alone
and curse Oppidan's fate

The Scurrilous Toad

I have here a drink on the tip of my tongue
said the scurrilous toad to the fly
the proof of its potency lies in the fact
I've never had angry reply
the procedure is simple and easy to do
you need only follow this rule
come close to my lip and take thee a sip
from my warm, supple, nectarous gruel
that doesn't sound pleasant responded the fly
and i fear your intentions have malice
but I must admit that the offer is sweet
and I'm tempted to  swig from this chalice
then come ye but close to me have no more fear
the wonders await unrequited
I promise you this no more angst will you have
once your thirsts have been duly delighted
though your plan may have evil intent i must say
that the offer for me holds some merit
for sadly of late the world's droning gate
has made me unable to bear it
I'll throw away fears and fly to your tongue
in hopes of a happier path
and in one foul swoop the fly joined the soup
and the toad swallowed hard with a laugh

Indoctrinate

the soapbox awaits
i trudge once more
breathe my wisdom on the crowd
the sound of apathy deafening
he sips his coffee
the paper rustles with contempt
undaunted i speak again
my words fall out of me
begging for a life
but the disinterested slurp
swallows them whole
and their precious moments are spent
bursting to cinders on his tongue
like moths in open flame
"What did you say?"
at last! a breakthrough
my heart leaps in anticipation
the soapbox shudders with delight
my slippers quake with joy
power bubbles in me
the words, their potent majesty poised for a
cosmic journey of understanding
errupt in my spirit and press against my throat
the thrill, my ecstasy mounts
i will be heard!
the mouth opens to unleash the symphony of persuasion
my mind and body tingles with pending victory
my lips hang agape
each word choking in my throat
stoppered by disinterested fangs in toast
the painful silence overwhelms me
i step down from the box
and bleed out what is left of speech
"More coffee, Love?"

Swashbuckling

muscles tense
the jaw aligns
my hero leaps to foe
with shim'mring slice
and gleaming buckle
a brash dispatch of woe
a careless snort
his brow at arch
the bastard quakes in fear
he deftly snatches
parries, thrusts
and shatters bottled beer
the raging giant
thunders in
to bruise and batter more
my hero's cape
envelopes me
he stands to settle score
the battle breaks
a clash of wills
flashing swords and fists
unrestrained
the good knight fights
he brandishes and twists
alas my enemy is strong
his belts and hands immense
he burns and scars
and tears my flesh
with fatherly pretense
my wounded valiant
falls beside my aching form
his eyes are full of shame
but with a knowing glance
i show him that he
wasn't meant to blame
no, this great hero
dashing, proud
was built to give me hope
and though beside me
broken too
he keeps me from the rope
the one that beckons me to come
to end the pain man brings
the one that puts a final end
to all the sufferings
and while each battle ends the same
my savior and his charge
lying on the bedroom floor
the demon still at large
i have that secret promise
my hero by my side
that one day he and i will change
this never-ending tide

Altruism

her eyebrow is always poised for disdain
she clears her throat and busy bees pause for direction
she is the grand dame of the bake sale,
the sacred holder of what is defined as right
the matriarch of a society of do-gooders
with a single gift from Satan
that vicious tongue
that spine-encrusted, searing sword of retribution
always at the ready
to make a child cry for a misplaced napkin
to make a mother question her worth
to make a preacher fear his congregation
she is the demon of public humiliation clad in gingham and emotional razorblades
isn't she sweet?
she does so much for the community
she really knows what's best
for them
for us
for her
and when the angels sing to herald her
great walk into the light
she has expected all her life
and the trumpets peal and the
choir of those she has led to glory
pave her path to heaven
and gild her chariot of righteousness
I sit
nervous in my pew
wondering
will the devil smile a secret grin
will he rejoice in some small measure too
that one of his own has infiltrated
the great kingdom of naked cherubs
to sit in judgment on her winged companions
will guilt and shame
have made her merry way through Saint Peter's gate
on the back of altruism
on the back of those she's slain with condescension
"Straighten up!"
that familiar glare
"Yes, Grandma."
that familiar bow to evil in the mask of holy might

Abatement

the tide rolls out
my spirit rides on her back
broken
lost
drifting with her current
she spills me on her rubbled shore
ice in lungs
grains of sand
needles under nails
clawing
her sighing sharing waves of pain
i feel the lips
warm and supple
stinging mine to living
shards of memory
lancing fears
ache and need
loss and want
i fade from blur to bite
bitter light
unwelcome clarity
diffuse!
fade!
release!
back to darkness
away from knowing
take your breath
your charity
and flush me out
let my life abate
diminish me
reduce my soul
empty
cold once more
on rolling surf
carry me
to nothing

RAINBOW

a gentle army of truth
through the rain it comes
hand in hand unashamed
bands of crystalline unity
each bringing forth its own
ageless and free of ire
the ribbon of inclusion
bask the world in color
symbol of hope
herald of pride
parent of fortune
victim of hatred
the science is clear
we understand why
the refraction of light
through angel tears
if only we could see
and fully understand
the meaning of each light
the majesty of each color
then
perhaps
we'd join the celestial shimmer
and find our sacred place
blending in the hues
nestled softly in between

Wonder

a catch of breath
words lodged in throat
reaching for an expression
but dumb
giddy spirit
lost in a whirl
colors dance inside the eye
revealing light and shimmer
at once a child again
breeze on the skin
butterflies in stomach
wide-eyed
open mouthed
shudder and twitch
marvel and sigh
this is what it is
to stand in awe
to hold a moment
sacred

The Gift

pulling ribbons fall to flesh
soft and bare
the warmth of touch
summer's whisper
fragrant, sweet
a nervous glance
eyes wide with wonder
fingers entwine
lights flicker and fade
we float
angels wrapped in linen
something dark on the horizon
wild, panther-raw
shadows thicken
embers burst to flame
grasp of fingers
snarl and bury
roaring licks of arson
black release
silence but for breathing
shimmering light returns
as ribbons slip to settling
crumpled cover rests
the thrill subsides
the world returns
no words to share thanks giving
for the precious, wanton gift

Mitral Valve Regurgitation

i was recently diagnosed with mitral valve regurgitation. it is not a fun prospect, staring at your mortality through a doctor's stethoscope, but life is what we make of it while we are here. mostly i try not to get maudlin, just press on.

here's some information about the condition: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/mitral-valve-regurgitation/DS00421

when one becomes accutely aware of his mortality, he takes stock in what is important to him. for me, it has increased a sense of urgency to leave behind some thoughts and images. some kind of mark. a splash of paint on the ever-fading wall of life. my own bit of spiritual graffiti. something to last a bit longer than this mortal coil.