How I Dream

Ever since I took a Jungian dream therapy class back in 1993 to help me get over a life-long plague of sleep-depriving nightmares, I have dreamt in movies. The therapy class taught us that when we were dreaming something unpleasant, we could control the fear level by putting the images up on a screen. My vivid imagination not only put the images on a screen, but pictured the cinema, the exit doors to waking, and, on some rather disturbing occasions, the other spectators in the cinema all mocking me for my reactions to the "film" we were watching. While certainly effective, these lessons in dream control forever altered the way I dream and I find myself waking up every morning saying, "Wow! That was a great movie!"

So, I have decided to start documenting these dream-movies by recording my vivid recollections as soon as I awake. Armed with a micro-cassette recorder and the intent on capturing these little slumber-induced cinematic triumphs, I will finally be able to transcribe this bounty of stories that catalog and express exactly how I dream.

The Voice

(music: SANVEAN: I am your shadow by Lisa Gerrard)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xpkRj99FH0

carried on celestial chords
an elegant flight of fancy
wings spread for grace and learning
at once healed and wounded by the majestic dance
enraptured
a simple breath is stacatto symphony
a sigh for ice and fire
we melt and our eyes bear witness
to the blinding light
each phrase is sung
angelic choir
clad in baazar-bought bangles
jasmine and wine
marble and silk
a festival of pain is lit
from embers of lost pleasure
soaring down through rubbled clouds
of smoke and ageless ire
she brings us home
kiss to the brow
knowing so much more
of the tender sage within
i sit here spellbound
groping for a place
lost in swirling visions
her crimson skirt revealed to blood
a soft sand wall is breaking
muffled voices
cabinet shouts
a fist to splinters aching
this is not one, but Woman's song
guilt enraged for breathing
dancing light
her laughter like the
jingle on her toes
sudden gunshot to the heart
and i lie broken
ripped wide open back to truth
but grateful
she sang again
for her
for me
something shattered
made mosaic to entice
shore dancing back to sea
and i await her coming
with reverence and need
my sister, savior, stranger, friend
a piece returned to me

The Bridge

i stand here broken
my branches fallen at my feet
no more leaves for breathing
life swirls around me
wrapped in the dapple linen of the forest floor
my time is past
in the distance
a structure of connecting
the veins of man
stretching from unseen place
to distant shores
i am rooted
yearning
if only my roots would rip themselves
from their silt-lined graves
let me wander
free and listless
on the cobbled paths
that taunt me
but alas my fate
to stand in the deep
to echo, riddle, and snap
years of torment as i fade
forever wondering where it leads
my sylvan fingers once made such paths
across the sky reaching out to brothers
swaying in joy from new born to russet
i was once a part of the great mother's dance
the world has taken heartily its toll
i have paid the price of living
with my arms, my buds, my breathing
and there she stands
the mocking passage
from one fair space to another
tempting me
forever out of reach
reclaim me, o great Gaia!
end this bask in what can't be
and let me sleep unknowing
of the bridge not meant for me

Beauty Aside

sometimes
when i'm looking in the mirror
i see what i want to see
sometimes
when i'm studying the paunch
or clip unwanted hair
i see what they tell me to see
yet here
if only for an hour
i breathe no air
i taste no sweet or sour
i feel no warmth of touch
but for those precious moments
i look not in at a reflection
but out onto a masqueraded landscape
and more than see what i want to see
or see what i am told
i become what i most truly am
the me inside my skin
beautiful
and free

Frigid

I thought I'd melt his heart
that one day he'd succumb
I plied with treats of every measure
Dreams to be undone
A glance of need,
a yearning sigh,
but nothing would unfurl
the Beauty's wintry, frozen smile
or crack this hardened pearl
And then, one day
as fate decreed
his heart began to light
Alas for me the Winter's cold
had dimmed my love from sight
He pleaded, begged, and simpered
his ice all dripped away
but I was now unbending
my sails refused to sway
And so he sits in summer's sun
weeping liquid tears
and I am frigid as the wind
that blusters through the years

For Him

one life is not enough
one moment to breathe his air
to cherish and to hold him
i do not have sufficient flesh
there is no space or time
that could hold these hearts completely
there is no wish or dream
that would echo more purely
no touch, no sensation
no flavor or sigh
could compare to this moment
beside my love
together we wander
a landscape of dreams
and hold on with the passion
and memory of many lives before
and many more to come
no
one life is not enough
so as my sun and moon set and rise in his eyes
not a thousand such visions will ever suffice
nothing will hold me as tenderly
nothing will fill me so completely
let the days fly by
let the moments bleed out
there is never enough

PITY

does it make you nervous?
are you bothered by what you hear?
do you feel the need to shift
and clear your scratching throat?
it is my body that was stained
my spirit that was used
my innocence that ran in liquid
down my thigh
and yet as i explain
the pain
the sting
the shame
it is you who sit
uncomfortable
your face engraved
disdain
and i
the victim
once again

BRINK, a poem for my father

pages slip like feathers
from the broken binding
of my little picture book
that drift and sift
on angel backs
softly toward the brink
singed and stained
the cracked and lifeless
blossoms shed their petals
toward the sea
remember
no more
stinging licks of moonlight
flicker in my eyes
i lose the sense of footing
floating, drifting to and fro
majesty
freedom
release
i ache no more for simple joy
no earthly pleasures hold me
agony is a demon
who's power now is lost
i flutter and float
swing and sway
back to the ocean's womb
reclaim me
let me leave that word behind
scattered from medicinal tongues
fickle, heartless flames
let it have no more meaning
goodbye cancer
goodbye dad

A Rabbit's Day (a tonal abstract poem)

Thump varoom snap zing
Glisten crackle  shudder
Rustle bustle fling
Yipping snarl kerfuffle
Tumble blinking spring
Simper twitching bristle
Faded yelping ring
Nestle sighing snuggle
Cradle muffle sing

LAPSE

she used to love violets
a scent so gentle it bitters
with the passing time
amber sparkle on her throat
a token from a lost lover
turned to foolish gold
prone to sherry in her glass
a lazy afternoon
that blurred her vision
made pain and memory
bleed away
slowly
pieces falling off her past
a bauble here
a token there
like her beloved flower
memories turning acid and sour
her moments dimmed
lovers peeled like clothing
to the floor
forgotten
children
left to wonder
why they met a stranger's gaze
a sign of aging
a sentence of loss
no cure
no hope
just the darkening shore
washing everything and everyone
she ever loved away
perhaps it's just what happens
perhaps it's just a lapse